Ozzfest Forum

Forum => Fun & Games => Topic started by: da_wizard on September 16, 2010, 10:26:46 pm



Title: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 16, 2010, 10:26:46 pm
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?............................................Put a nipple on it.      :D :D :D



Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Skull And Crossbones on September 17, 2010, 08:02:47 pm
 :D :D LOL AWESOME!!!


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 17, 2010, 09:35:37 pm


A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend. :D :D :D


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 18, 2010, 03:32:59 pm
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?....................They can both smell it but can't eat it   ::)


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: stevenstrong on September 18, 2010, 07:05:39 pm
joke of the day: KISS line-up


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Tiger479 on September 18, 2010, 10:03:46 pm
Two friends were drinking in a bar when one tells the other to have some Tequilla shots with him. The other guy says Hell No, last time I drank Tequilla I blew chunks. The first guy says that wont happen this is the good stuff not that cheap shit, you'll be fine. The second guy says no you dont get it chunks is my dog. ::)


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: TortureQueen on September 20, 2010, 10:07:06 am
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."



Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 23, 2010, 07:05:10 pm
What's the square root of 69........................8 something ;D


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Skull And Crossbones on September 24, 2010, 09:05:01 pm
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."



LOL  :D nice!


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 30, 2010, 10:51:28 pm
A kIWI tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?". 
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, FUCK off and get your own!'


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: AlpineValleyGirl on September 30, 2010, 11:35:24 pm
baaah ha ha ha haaaa!


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: da_wizard on September 30, 2010, 11:39:08 pm
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: TortureQueen on October 01, 2010, 08:28:03 am
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."



Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Gnomez on October 01, 2010, 07:51:56 pm
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you


 :P


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: AlpineValleyGirl on October 01, 2010, 09:58:53 pm
the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you
Ooops, Sorry!  my baaa-aad
{shoves a few coins into the Fund to Send Gnomez to Kobe for Ozzfest donation box}


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: kissfan77 on October 20, 2010, 05:44:14 pm
joke of the day: KISS line-up
danzigs micro tour bus running out of gas before he gets to dallas....brother


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: stevenstrong on October 20, 2010, 09:24:15 pm
joke of the day part.2: those guys that pretend to be ACE n them...but aint....braaaaatherrrrr!!

(presses detonator)


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Gnomez on October 20, 2010, 10:39:27 pm
Two Indian guys get invited to a fancy dress party
The theme is EMOTIONS
One puts his cock in a bowl of custard while the other drills a hole and shoves his cock into a ripe peach
They go to the party
The host opens the door and says OMG what have you come as?!
The first guy says "I am Fucking Dis-gusted" and the other guy says "I am
deep in Dis-Pear"


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: kissfan77 on October 21, 2010, 08:44:54 pm
flying in a 757 ..passin by the pearly gates(http://i587.photobucket.com/albums/ss317/kissfan77/IMPLANE.jpg)


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: stevenstrong on October 22, 2010, 07:44:14 pm
maidenz flight attendants are pieces of ass.
oh yeah i forgot my joke bcuz im hi


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: Skull And Crossbones on October 28, 2010, 10:27:37 am
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."



 :D :D LOL!  AWESOME!  Queen wins this thread!  LOL


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: kissfan77 on October 30, 2010, 12:27:55 am
i have electric cable and internet but no cell phone ...dose that make me part amish


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: stevenstrong on October 30, 2010, 10:00:42 pm
"bare on the range" pt.13 brought to you by AMISH PRODUCTIONZ, directed by Rusty Jivers, behind the scenes feature includes .357 sitting on the toilet.


Title: Re: JOKE OF THE DAY
Post by: stevenstrong on November 06, 2010, 11:41:23 am
(Punts gnomes down field)