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Author Topic: down at the Ozzfest Corner Tap  (Read 76367 times)
AlpineValleyGirl
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« Reply #465 on: September 20, 2011, 11:38:38 pm »

BWAAA  HAA HAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Whassamatter???  dontcha trust the spirits in your own board?

{puts upside-down Pilsner glass on the board because the planchette has gone missing}
{places index and pinkie fingers on the glass in classic horns-up fashion}

Oh great spirits of metal!  will we once again be blessed with the return of Black Sabbath?

{groaning from basement gets louder, strobe lights start flashing behind the juke box}
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da_wizard
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« Reply #466 on: September 21, 2011, 12:02:05 am »

(da_wiz runs back inside the tavern door)
"i think we might have awaken some long forgotten entities Alpine"
" there are some wicked looking winged creatures outside flying all around the Tap"
" the drone of the music seems to be not only be coming from the jukebox but it's coming up from the ground, it sounds like millions of voices are crying out with excitement...the demons are celebrating ,"
( da_wizard takes out his stash loads up his pipe and sparks it up....taking in a long toke)
" it's gonna be a wild ride....i might as well enjoy it to the hilt"
.
.
.
.
.
.
" what happened? ...what was i talking about again and who is that dark shadow in the corner smiling at me?" 
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alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
Gnomez
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« Reply #467 on: September 21, 2011, 12:28:00 am »

Suddenly a naked gnome walks by on his way to the dart board
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Cloneshoes
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« Reply #468 on: September 21, 2011, 12:39:45 am »

*streaks across the bar room*
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AlpineValleyGirl
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« Reply #469 on: September 21, 2011, 12:49:39 am »

*streaks across the bar room*
. . .  while being chased by a nebulous, shadowy figure
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Gnomez
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« Reply #470 on: September 21, 2011, 03:31:59 am »

Exactly how many naked people are in here?
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MIDDLE_FINGER
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« Reply #471 on: September 21, 2011, 03:50:01 am »

*streaks across the bar room*

Gets Gun...

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Gnomez
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« Reply #472 on: September 21, 2011, 03:55:19 am »

Yeah shoot the weird nude fucker
I hate exhibitionists
Just don't shoot the naked elf
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da_wizard
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« Reply #473 on: September 21, 2011, 06:48:47 pm »

(da_wizard wakes up from his drug and booze induced coma....looks around the bar room....everything seem to be in place....it actually looks like someone has straighten up the place.....stools are all in a row....the broken glass , condoms , and shreds of popcorn and peanuts are nowhere to be seen....the coolers are shiny and freshly stocked with beer, the stains on the pool table have somehow disappeared , all the tvs are working.....everything seems to be in working order and perfect....da_wiz is just awstruck)
"wtf happened in here....this is freakin spooky"
(just then a smokin hot brunette wearing a leather mini and fishnets walks up to da_wiz and asks him if he wants to dance.....she pulls him from his stool and starts to grind her body against his....the music is pounding and the girl is joined by two of her friends....a tall blonde in spandex so tight you can read her lips (if ya know what mean) and a firery redhead with legs as far as the eyes can see....they all start gyrating on da_wiz....rubbing him up and down.....they begin disrobe....articles of clothing start to hit the floor....the music gets louder.....and then........
...........SMACK......
.."what the HELL!"

(da_wiz is awaken by the snap of a dirty bar rag to the back of the head.....Gnomez yells at him as he dances around like a freakin naked fairy)
" Hey Wizzy wake the hell up ya ...you're droolin on the bar"
(da_wiz looks up from the puddle....nothing has changed.....the tap is as nasty as ever...naked trolls and clones running amuck....Gnomez is making a picture of TQ out of stale pretzels , bottle caps and cheese curds....Middle Finger is cleaning his revolver in the shadows, a weird glimmer in his eye....Tiger is doing taxidermy on some fricken piece of roadkill ...looks like an armadillo with a Budweiser bottle in his paws. Alpine is kicking some assclown in the nuts....who knows what he said to her....whatever it was , he deserves what he is getting.......everything is it's normal crazy fucked up self.....as it should be)

"man...i really need to stop drinking,"
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alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
AlpineValleyGirl
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« Reply #474 on: September 21, 2011, 09:28:24 pm »

Exactly how many naked people are in here?

all the naked people were out back playing rugby before the gates of hell opened up behind the jukebox
we thought you and TortureQueen were out there practicing your scrums
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da_wizard
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« Reply #475 on: September 21, 2011, 09:38:10 pm »

"where the hell did i get this tat of 666 on the back of my arm?"
" and what's that smell?"...." smells like balls and brimstone in this place,"
"and is it just me or are there short and curlies on that rugby ball laying on the floor over there?"
" i really need to stop hanging out in this place"
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alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
AlpineValleyGirl
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« Reply #476 on: September 21, 2011, 09:42:48 pm »

that's not a tattoo.  its been branded into your flesh.  that's why it smells like that in here.
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Helping My Boss Find His Own Ass with Both Hands since 1986!
da_wizard
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« Reply #477 on: September 21, 2011, 09:49:25 pm »

" oh well ,I'm goin to hell anyway.....might as well be first class"
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alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
TortureQueen
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« Reply #478 on: October 12, 2011, 07:25:39 am »

HEEELLLLLOOOOOO?!?!?!?!    Undecided   guess i'm all alone.... and i was really looking forward to some entertaining company.
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Tiger479
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« Reply #479 on: October 12, 2011, 11:30:05 am »

I'll keep you company  Cheesy. Gnomez is out at the moment cleaning up the beaches in NZ. That cargo ship really fkd things up over there.
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