HomeNewsTour DatesBandsHistoryOzzfest StoreOzTVPhotosForum
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
News: Welcome Back!
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: JOKE OF THE DAY  (Read 3964 times)
da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« on: September 16, 2010, 10:26:46 pm »

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?............................................Put a nipple on it.      Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
Skull And Crossbones
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2539



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2010, 08:02:47 pm »

 Cheesy Cheesy LOL AWESOME!!!
Logged

da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2010, 09:35:37 pm »



A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2010, 03:32:59 pm »

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?....................They can both smell it but can't eat it   Roll Eyes
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
stevenstrong
bcuz im evil.
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2465



View Profile
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2010, 07:05:39 pm »

joke of the day: KISS line-up
Logged

Tiger479
Stranger in an even stranger land
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1297



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2010, 10:03:46 pm »

Two friends were drinking in a bar when one tells the other to have some Tequilla shots with him. The other guy says Hell No, last time I drank Tequilla I blew chunks. The first guy says that wont happen this is the good stuff not that cheap shit, you'll be fine. The second guy says no you dont get it chunks is my dog. Roll Eyes
Logged
TortureQueen
Laughing while u Cry
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2243



View Profile
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2010, 10:07:06 am »

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

Logged

da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2010, 07:05:10 pm »

What's the square root of 69........................8 something Grin
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
Skull And Crossbones
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2539



View Profile
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2010, 09:05:01 pm »

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."



LOL  Cheesy nice!
Logged

da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2010, 10:51:28 pm »

A kIWI tour bus full of tourists stops by a farmer holding a sheep. One of them calls out "are you shearing?". 
The farmer yells back, in an unhappy tone 'NO, FUCK off and get your own!'
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
AlpineValleyGirl
I Get Things Done!
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2133



View Profile
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2010, 11:35:24 pm »

baaah ha ha ha haaaa!
Logged

Helping My Boss Find His Own Ass with Both Hands since 1986!
da_wizard
spreading his magic
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1087



View Profile
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2010, 11:39:08 pm »

the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you
Logged


alcohol is not a toy.......it's a tool....to be used by responsible drunks
TortureQueen
Laughing while u Cry
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2243



View Profile
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2010, 08:28:03 am »

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

Logged

Gnomez
Village Idiot... and Lover of Sheep...
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3340



View Profile
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2010, 07:51:56 pm »

the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you


 Tongue
Logged
AlpineValleyGirl
I Get Things Done!
Community
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2133



View Profile
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2010, 09:58:53 pm »

the previous joke was intended for Gnomez.....any use of this joke without written permission is strictly prohibited ....thank you
Ooops, Sorry!  my baaa-aad
{shoves a few coins into the Fund to Send Gnomez to Kobe for Ozzfest donation box}
Logged

Helping My Boss Find His Own Ass with Both Hands since 1986!
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF 1.1.11 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC
WEBSITE & CONTENTS © DIVINE RECORDINGS.     Terms of Use | Privacy Policy

Websites for Music Festivals