MrRageFuckinSynister said: ::animatedlaugh @ The Aristocrats...Thats some great shit right there.
As performed by The Simpsons:
A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the "Star Spangled Banner" while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original "To Anacreon in Heaven" lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
The man continues, "But then, as an encore, my son holds down the dog while my wife suffocates it with a blanket, then I gouge out the dead dog's eyes with my thumbs, defecate in one of the eye sockets and invite my son to penetrate the other, while I insert my entire fist into my son's rectum, whilst simultaneously vomiting into his mouth"
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"