Event Robot

Bubbles! Oh come on Sharon! I'm fucking Ozzy Osbourne, I'm the Prince of fucking Darkness. Evil! Evil! What's fucking evil about a shitload of bubbles!?
Ozzy Osbourne

Dogs smoke in France.
Ozzy Osbourne

Every time I mention the vagina doctor, you get this little smirk on your face. What have you been up to?
Ozzy Osbourne
Talking to kelly

I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never urinate at the Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober.
Ozzy Osbourne

I don't consider myself a great singer--but I have a connection with the audience. There's the artist, and then a void and the audience; but I like to be part of the audience. I'd like to be them, and I'd like them to be me for an hour and a half. I get criticized for being the antichrist, causing kids to commit suicide, but that's total bullsh-t. My intentions are not that. Every year they have Halloween, and all I do is take Halloween night out on the road every night. It's like a Halloween party every night. If that was the case on Halloween night, the police cells would be full--everyone would have turned Satanic for the night!.
Ozzy Osbourne

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.
Ozzy Osbourne

I have a message for anyone coming to the Ozzfest this summer [Summer, 2000]: If you're planning to jump up onstage during my set, please do not give me any bear hugs, because they fucking hurt. Listen to me, I'm dead serious. On the first night of last year's tour, this enormous guy jumped up onstage and gave me a huge bear hug. He crushed 3 of my ribs and I had to do the whole tour in absolute agony. I couldn't believe it, the first fucking show!
Ozzy Osbourne

I have a saying. 'Never judge a book by its cover'. I say that because I don't even know who Ozzy is. I wake up a new person every day. But if you've got a fantasy of Ozzy, who am I to say? I mean, if you think I sleep upside-down in the rafters and fly around at night and bite people's throats out, then that's your thing. But I can tell you now, all I ever wanted was for people to come to my concerts and have a good time. I don't want anyone to harm themselves in any way, shape or form-and my intentions are good whether people want to believe it or not. I'm not going to suddenly become a Jesus freak or anything. But I do have my beliefs and my beliefs are certainly not satanic.
Ozzy Osbourne

I kept hearing that metal is dead and Ozzy's dead and people that like Ozzy are dead. I have never had an empty seat. I've always sold out, so who's saying it's all over?
Ozzy Osbourne

I love the smell of armpits in the morning. It's like victory.
Ozzy Osbourne

I love you all. I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad.
Ozzy Osbourne
The Osbournes television show
I suppose Americans get a kick out of watching a crazy Brit family like us make complete fools of ourselves every week.
Ozzy Osbourne

Explaining popularity of TV documentary The Osbournes
I want to be American. America is the coolest place on the face of the Earth. You've got freedom of speech. You've got McDonald's.
Ozzy Osbourne

I'm about caring, I'm about people, and I'm about entertaining people. I'm a family man. A husband. A father. I've been a lot of other things over the years, which we don't really want to talk about. I'm always working on trying to better myself, you know? I think that that is an ongoing thing with me. I think I'll do that for the rest of my life. I'm always thinking of what I can do today to better my life.
Ozzy Osbourne

It took a lot of water to down just that fucking bat's head, let me tell you. It's still stuck in my fucking throat, after all these years. People all over the world say, 'You're the guy who kills creatures? You still do it? You do it every night?' It happened fucking once, for Christ's sake.
Ozzy Osbourne

I've had every known chemical--cocaine, booze--and tobacco is the hardest one in the world for me to quit. You watch old flicks? It's suggestion by looking at something: You see a cigarette, and it makes you want to smoke!
Ozzy Osbourne

Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!
Ozzy Osbourne

The Osbournes television show
One of my greatest regrets is that I urinated on the Alamo.
Ozzy Osbourne

She said, 'I understand you're quite the wild one'. I just went, 'Heh, heh, heh'.
Ozzy Osbourne
On meeting Queen of England at Queen's Golden Jubilee Concert, Buckingham Palace, June 2002

The down side of being outrageous is that you have to go around explaining your fucking self to people. If you're too cocky, somebody might just pull out a fucking gun and cock it and blow your fucking face off. You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don't bite off more than you can chew. It's a dangerous world.
Ozzy Osbourne

"SHARON!!!"

- Ozzy Osbourne

at the hartford show last year he mooned the crowd and said "More people have seen my ass than I have"

Haha.
Just one thing, that quote, " Stop saying you're fucking Ozzy Osbourne's son, jak---" was actually said by Kelly Osbourne.

This is great, man! I'm a huge Ozzy fan and I often write down Ozzy quotes on paper and my friend just loves reading them.

These are personally my fav out of the book Ozzy Talking

"My fascination with life’s phobias have manifested themselves on this new record. I only hope its tracks will freeze the blood and make the flesh creep to make people understand that this is Ozzy music. If my ideas seem disordered in intellect or slightly psychotic...it is because they are. I am Ozzy Osbourne."

"You Shouldn’t ever let go of your dreams. Mine came true and more. I still have problems with ADD, i still have problems reading with my dyslexia, but i still had a great fucking life. People ask i could do it all again would i do it differently? Fuck off-i had a ball!"

"I can’t believe in one God when there’s so many Gods - Muslim, Christian, Jewish. There’s all these different Gods, but there’s only one world. I believe in sticking another o in the word God: I believe in good, you know?"

"People have said to me, "You’re becoming a parody of yourself,’ but i’m not becoming anything but what i am. As you see it is as it was."
-About the The Osbournes TV show

"How the fuck is a legend suppose to feel? Do they wake up in the morning and go, ’Oh Darling, i feel very legend-ly this morning?’"

"I Turn 53 this December, and my audience keeps growing. I’m luckier then the luckiest son of a bitch walking the planet."
-2001

"The latest one i heard about me is I’ve just come from New York, where i was allegedly mugged. I’ve been shot four times and propelled a bullet away with the back of me hand! Listen, if someone pulled a knife on me, you’d hear this big farting noise followed by a big smell, and i’d be running. There’d be a big steaming pile of brown stuff on the floor..."
-1987

Oh, yeah, I read Ozzy Talking...it was great, so interesting I read it in less than a day.

More quotes:

I make the best chips on the planet.My kids come running in yelling, 'Dad's making chips!' when I get the chip pan out."
-1997

"What can I actually cook? Well, last time I tried some chips the pan cought light, and the flames nearly set the house on fire."
-2001

"What turns me on? A good cup of coffee in the morning."
-2001

"I always cry when my wife and I go to se slurpy movies. I'm there in the cinema with red eyes and tears running down my cheeks, and the kids are coming up to me saying, 'Hey Ozzy! Satan rules!'"
-2001

"I know I should be dead. I didn't burn the candle at both ends--I burned it every fucking which way the fucking ting cn be held!"
-2001

"I hunt rabbits, and pheasant and milkmen, dilivery men, taxmen, nieghbours..."
1978

"If Bill Clinton can't get a blow job off his secratary...then his job isn't worth it."

fuckign great